Getting home last night from Staffordshire to London was a bit of a trauma. Went something like this:

–Get on M42, see matrix says ‘accident @ j3a’
–Tried to be a cleverarse, gets off @ j6 (NEC) to check map
–Get slightly lost around NEC
–Get back on M42 after figuring out if I get off @ j4 and take A3400 towards Henley in Arden, I can pick up M40 @ j16, thus missing queues
–Pull onto motorway again and realise I am heading up M42 - northbound - no southbound entry!
–Swear a lot
–Take M42 N while considering my options, but glad I didn’t just stay on M40 cos saw queues as driving past and they were BAAAAAD
–Get off @ j4 - again - pull into layby. phone various people that I think might be on the ‘net and should be able to check AA website for traffic news - is it worth me trying to cut across country to M40 *again*?
–Discuss tactics with my Dad who is out for a drink - we decide A45–>M45–>M1 might be quicker option then messing around trying to get onto M40 again
–Phone my brother, he goes to check net. Driving again at this point (on hands free don’t worry!) - get slightly lost but head back to motorway
–Get voicemail from my brother - he says queues are just around M42/M40 intersection. Advises I take some route to a more southern jcn of M40 and get on there
–Ponder this in the dark while still driving north.
–Decide ’screw this’ and get off @ j5 for A45 towards Coventry. Drive that - one of those exhausting A roads that are fast, but not well lit, and with lots of roundabouts punctuating it. See the ‘burbs of Coventry for the first time. Hmmmm.
–Get off A45 at one point because I see a motorway sign - flash of blue…get to roundabout to see it’s for M40!!!! Muchos swearing occurs in car
–Go around roundabout, straight on, then back onto the road I just exited - still in right direction for once though…
–In Warwickshire, in the dark, on a road I don’t know. Get mardy.
–FINALLY get onto M45 - the grimmest motorway I’ve ever been on. No lighting, two lanes, no services. Use full beam a lot. Feel lonely.
–The M1! M1 I love you very much. Take me down to the capital city, where the grass ain’t green and the girls ain’t pretty…
–Newport Pagnell services. They never looked so beautiful.
–Friend returns my call and I tell them my tale of woe. ‘Where were you when I needed someone to look on the flipping AA website!’ : )
–Bottom end of M1 is very empty at 10pm on a Sunday night, I observe
–Razz onto the London North Circular westbound, bound for Chiswick and home

Bizarrely, the whole thing only took me 3 hours door to door, which is odd cos the normal journey (M42/M40/A40) normally takes me about 2.5 hours on a Sunday evening. Maybe aliens abducted me and helped? Not sure….but no tracking chips in my head and my butt isn’t sore (anal probes and all ‘dat), so don’t *think* they took me off for experiments, before dropping me in west London ; )

This entry was posted on Monday, March 30th, 2009 at 11:23 am and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.